just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
