in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
