I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
