I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
