If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
