So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
