let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
