I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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