It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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