Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
