spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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