i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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