i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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