All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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