My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
