Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
