theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
