i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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