I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
