I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
