I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
