oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
