I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize