i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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