she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
