why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
