he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize