Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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