what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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