i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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