Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
