We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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