the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
