If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
