You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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