i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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