At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
