Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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