His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
