Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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