Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
