i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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