i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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