If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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