Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
