no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
