a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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