I wish I could teleport
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize