If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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