he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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