i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
