i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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