elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
