I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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