North Korea, Best Korea!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize