I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
