i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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