I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
