how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
