I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
