people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
