I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
