I faked an abortion last night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
