I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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