So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize