I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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