The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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