If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
